"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." - Tori Amos
I'm out of step. Have you ever tried to catch up with yourself? That is what I'm doing. I start my day with a clear view of how the day is going to go down and then all HELL breaks lose in my brain. I am 75 steps behind my brain!
In view of recent events I suppose I should not be surprised that I would have trouble "getting my head back in the game." but THAT IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT. The healing process is difficult and confusing. I made a conscious decision to have some normal days, (you know try to be happy, not so sad all the time) or at least I would give it my best shot. I have much to do and I keep spinning my wheels. I'm almost running in to the walls and I don't know if I have my bra on.
I went upstairs and upturned my sewing room and then walked out. (swell) Then I decided to sweep the porch, left it half swept and left the dang broom out there.(groovy) So, I decided to fertilize and water the flowers, managed to do the front of the house and didn't finish the job on the back of the house.(who cares if those flowers don't make it anyway!) I thawed out some chicken to cook for dinner and decided I was in the mood for burgers. Ok can you see a trend here? This has been going on, and on, and on...
So now I'm blogging, but I think I'll go read some more of the book I'm reading..."Hunger Games" which I started reading 6 weeks ago,(I know the whole world has read this book and sequels, I believe we have established that I'm behind) or maybe I will just go have a pedicure.
Somebody needs to come and do an intervention on me real quick!!! My friend Brenda told me yesterday not to worry about this lack of focus she said it's not like "You are a slacker." However, I'm worried this is going to be a permanent state of mind. SNAP OUT OF IT PAT!!!! ok I'm going to go bake some bread now maybe some brownies too.
I'll let you know how tomorrow goes. Come on over I could use some help.
(No pictures downloaded on this post. I simply don't have time.)
24 comments:
Dear Pat,
When I was going through a hard time some years ago, a friend gave me some great advice. She said, "Don't should on yourself". Don't feel that you "should" be doing this or that. Right now you are still healing and the only thing you "should" do is take care of yourself and those you love. Be kind to yourself,
Marian
Great advice from Marian. Take care of you and your family. Thoughts and prayers to you!
Pat, don't be so hard on yourself. Your family has been through a LOT, and it takes time. It doesn't matter what kind of difficulty you go through, you NEED TIME. You know if you had a broken leg, or a big operation, your body would need time to heal. In a way it's no different, except that it is your heart that hurts. So take the time, dear lady. The yard will be there, the sewing will be there, the brownies will be there, the laundry will be there........whatever!! It will all be there........
Just take the next step. Give yourself time to heal.
Peace be with you dear friend.
I don't want to worry you, but it's been 2 years since my daughter passed away and I still have so many unfinished projects;-( However, it is getting better and if I can offer any advice, don't sweat the small stuff and be kind to yourself. There is no time limit on this kind of healing. Love, Susan
Pat,
be patient with yourself!
Getting out of bed is a big accomplishment, and it even sounds like you might have gotten dressed too!
Whatever you get done will be enough.
Thinking of you!
Sue
I wish I could come over right now and hold your hand Pat. Maybe hanging with someone to help stay on track for a bit. Let's just bake bread and then maybe sew for a half hour. You can start in little snippets of accomplishments and work your way to a little more as the healing progresses. You are in my thoughts and prayers every day.
Reinhold Niebuhr wrote The Serenity Prayer in 1926. Find a copy and read carefully. This is my go to in times of hardship. Let the truthful words wash over you. We live one day at a time. May God bless you.
Oh, Pat, please don't be so hard on yourself. Your brain is simply trying to tell you to allow your heart to heal.
I hope you don't mind if I leave a little (hug) just for YOU.
Hi Pat... don't worry about pictures or things undone or half-done. Write ! Write here to share or in a personal journal. The reason? Writing is cathartic in nature. It helps us emotionally and allows feelings that never could be said to be acknowledged. Take care, dear Pat.
You have soooo been on my mind. It is difficult to find the right words in a time like this. Last week, our Sunday school lesson was around the passage... "Let not your heart be troubled." When Jesus spoke those words, they were to comfort his disciples about life after our earthly life which is how we know that Jackson is an angel who will leave forever in heaven with our God. It is not to say that our hearts will not be sad and that we will not grieve for our loss. It is OK to grieve and be sad. They say that time heals all, but you will always have a special place in your hearts for young Mr. Jackson. Your daughter has an awesome blog and I am in awe of her strength and courage. You have a lot to be proud of in her.
I've always heard that your body can only do one thing at a time...and yours is busy healing a broken heart. All that stuff you are trying to do, will still be there later! Don't worry about your focus. It must be on your heart, dear friend! God Bless your heart!
Take time to relax and take care of yourself and Andy. There is nothing that must be done.
You are in a normal place after a devastating loss. Please, don't be hard on yourself. Healing takes a long, long time.
Just do whatever you feel like doing. So what if things only get half done, half is better than nothing - right? It doesn't matter, the world wont come to a standstill. You have to take the time to grieve it's all perfectly normal, and it will get better. maybe not today, maybe not next week..... but it will. Hugs
You may feel that you're all every which way but up, but you are doing things. Hey, some of the flowers were watered, half the porch was swept, etc, so I would say you're doing OK. Who the heck cares if the other half of the porch isn't done, or the flowers aren't all fed and watered today - there's always tomorrow! Just do what you can, when you can, and try not to beat yourself up too much about it.
Pat, take it from me, after such a rough time it does take time for normal to return. Don't give up. I wish I could come "just hang out" with you.
At times it does seem like nothing matters anymore and focus is hard to find. It is okay, it is "normal" for now.
If you need to talk, email me and I will send you my cell number. (I think you had it once upon a time, but maybe you can't find it right now.)
Just know that plenty of us really do understand.
take your time, breathe, and get and give a lot of hugs. the hugs really help.
Pat, you and yours have been in my thoughts so very much. This, too, is another comment telling you to do what you can do or want to do. There isn't a rule book. I have read your daughters blog and she is quite the young woman, as is her husband. I personally think that by letting your feelings out is therapy in disguise. Be strong my friend and eat some brownies for me, with ice cream and syrup, of course!!
Dear Pat, All the above comments are good bits of advice. It all takes time. You/we are real people, not push button automatons. Saying in a kindly way,this too shall pass. May you recognize the loving arms of God around you, holding you up, as you learn to take each new step in a world that has changed for you.
"Hunger Games?" What's that? (Just kidding.) I have not read it though, if that helps you feel a smidge better.
Karmen
Oh my Sweetie, you will do things at the pace you need to do them at. Right now just hug and love on the family. Your closest neighbors are those within your own walls. No one is going to punish you for your yard, or sewing room not being done. This is your time and you deserve the time to heal. Know that we are all here for you, and you continue to be in many prayers. I wish I could come and sit with you, listen to the stories you would tell me. I would find some healing too I think.
Hugs,
Vicki R
sunraesban@yahoo.com
Oh my Sweetie, you will do things at the pace you need to do them at. Right now just hug and love on the family. Your closest neighbors are those within your own walls. No one is going to punish you for your yard, or sewing room not being done. This is your time and you deserve the time to heal. Know that we are all here for you, and you continue to be in many prayers. I wish I could come and sit with you, listen to the stories you would tell me. I would find some healing too I think.
Hugs,
Vicki R
sunraesban@yahoo.com
Hey, you get up in the morning, survive the day, and then you go to bed at night...sometimes that is about all you can do. I remember days of just sitting and trying to think of something else, which just meant I was thinking even harder about what I was trying not to think about. Emotions are delicate things and a shock to our emotions just leaves us drained and out of sorts. You will get better and life will return to normal - for now, just be take comfort in seeing the light of day, and the softness of your bed at night..the rest will come with time.
My grandmother's favorite song in Church was "One Day At A Time". I'm learning more and more as I get older, why that was. It's so true. I know that the little bit I've been through over the past couple of years, is nothing compared to what you and your family are going through, and I've felt so worn out and have had those same functioning issues. It's par for the course. It's like a wave, you've got to ride it. It's so hard to stay focused because your mind and heart keeps trying to sort so much out. I know you worry about your daughter and want to be with her, but yet life goes on and we all have things we have to do and our own homes to keep up. It's so difficult. You feel so torn and there's not enough of you to go around, it seems. Just try to hold on. Get through one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself. Don't overbook or expect too much of yourself. Praying for you.
MMMMmmmm..... if hot bread (with butter please!) and brownies (try melting a couple of Hershey bars on the top of them!) are on the table, I'd be on my way if I was close enough to you! And then we could go get that pedicure. Don't you find that a nice foot massage helps with digestion? LOL. Love you, Pat. Praying for you every night! {{{HUGS}}}
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